Let’s take the burning issue of curfew and apply the 6 step management approach for parenting teenagers.

Enough rope to grow yourself

A solution that works for many families, and that meets the six criteria of management vs. control, is what I call the “enough rope to grow yourself” solution.

In this solution, the parents choose a starting point for curfew, maybe 10 p.m. If the teen is able to keep that
curfew (not even five or 10 minutes late, because 5 minutes can quickly turn into 20 minutes) for a certain period of time, let’s say six months, then the curfew can be extended an additional 15 or 30 minutes. If at any time during the six month period the teen breaks curfew, the six-month period begins all over again.

The numbers here are just for example. You can of course change them to fit your own situation.

The 6 criteria

Checking this out with our criteria for managing teenagers, we see that the parents are clearly in charge, the teen has a way to earn more responsibility and trust, the parents have a way to monitor progress, consequences are clear, and there is a map for rebuilding trust and responsibility when it is damaged.

The passage of adolescence can be difficult enough without a never-ending power struggle for control.

Taking a management approach can go a long way toward helping parents work themselves out of a job and helping the teenager grow into a well-functioning young adult.

Visit http://www.ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. For regular weekly tips you can subscribe to our f-ree Parenting Your Teenager Newsletter. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Having children is a mind-boggling responsibility. Each child has unique challenges and blessings. Each situation has potential for travesty or truth. Each parent has opportunity to nettle or nurture. However, we aren’t expected to parent alone. God will guide us and lead us as we care for his lambs.

So, what are some tips that we can use so that we can raise up our children in a godly manner. First of all, we need to uplift our children in prayer. Prayer is our channel of communication to God. Without communication,we can’t follow His direction. Second, we can model godly behavior. Children model what they see. If you have ever heard your child play house, you’ll think that you were the one playing by the words that are said. Children are great mimickers. Third, we need to live up to the baptismal vows for our children. We promised to raise them up to know the Lord. We need to do that to the best of our ability. We need to be there to get them to Sunday School, church, bible class and whatever else is available to teach and nurture our kids.

Our children are not our own, but as long as we are here on this earth, we have a responsibility to raise children to know and love the Lord. In Mark, it is stated that Jesus told his disciples to “Let the children come unto me.” Jesus valued children and knew their potential to further the kingdom. We, as parents, are key players in the future of God’s kingdom, beginning with raising godly kids.

Today we are faced with many problems that are destroying family units everywhere. In a fast paced world we are always in a hurry to get to work to get to the beach, or to get home before the kids go to sleep. We never seem to have enough time in one day to do all that needs to be done.

There was a song written in the 70’s called “The Cats and The Cradle,” and in this song the lyrics talk about a man that was so involved outside the home that his own son never really spent quality time with him. The song goes on to say that the son looked up to his dad and he was going to be just like him. As the son grew up and went to college the father wanted to spend sometime with him when he got home, but his son was to busy. As the song goes on and his boy moved away he realized in the end that his boy turned out to be just like him (never having time to spend with his family). The moral to this story is that we may need to reprioritize our lives to put our families first.

You may ask, “Where do I start?” One thing that seems to separate the family is television. In this country we spend more time watching others live their lives and less time living our own. Why not turn the TV off and play monopoly, yahtzee, or cards. I know these are not the greatest suggestions, but the key is to make the family stronger. If you all have a common interest then do that. I have 2 teenage girls and a 4-year-old son. My oldest daughter loves horses and she enjoys riding and competing. My youngest daughter likes to write songs, and sing. She may not be the greatest singer in the world, but she enjoys it. My son is into DVD’s and video games. All of them like to spend time with their parents. Up to a few years ago I did not even know them like I thought I did. In fact, I think it is safe to say that I knew very little at all. I was always consumed in my work to the point that I brought it home.

The thing that hurt me the most was when our family Doctor asked me if my son had all of his shots. I answered, “I don’t know ask my wife.” The look the Doctor gave me was one of disappointment. She told me that that was a common answer for a father to give. Why? I should know the answer to such a question, because I am his father. The answer to that is I am not interested in that, so it is not important. This selfish attitude had to change if I was going to have a relationship with anyone in my house.

The advice a friend gave me has helped me to grow with my family. He said to take 5 minutes a day and talk to your kids, and not as a group. Individually spend five minutes with each of them and talk to them about their interest not yours. You may find that they are far more important then the Super Bowl, or a day on the golf course. You may even earn their trust and loyalty. My oldest daughter told a friend on the phone once that it would hurt her parents too much to have sex before she was married and for that reason she has decided to wait. She has redirected her thinking only because she is receiving the companionship she needs at home. Teenagers that are sexually active in many cases are that way because they are substituting parental attention for sexual attention. If my folks won’t pay attention to me the boy down the road will.

This is just one of the dangers of not spending more time with your family. How does it affect your spouse? Is he or she content with the time you have? If not, do you want them to look elsewhere? Of course not, but it can happen. Many marriages end in divorce, because the couples grow apart. They form their own lives without including the other. It is imperative that we take the time that we have today and spend it with your family, and make time tomorrow. If we do we will begin to repair any damage that is already done, and grow closer to our families in the future.

You may ask, “How do we separate work from home?” When you are at work and you know that you are not going to finish before you leave. Plan to just leave it there. It will be there tomorrow and so will the rest of it. Many employers don’t staff their businesses correctly, because of those people who take their work home. If your load is too much tell your boss you need help. If your job is worth keeping your boss will understand that family comes first. Never let anything break up your home. Families united are stronger then divided. There is no mountain to high or river to wide for a strong family to tackle. Do what ever you have to do to keep your family together, and never regret the decisions you make to strengthen your family. It all pays off in the end.

Don McKay is the owner of several free information websites and the sole proprietor of Java Jakes Gourmet Coffee Co.
http://www.megainfosource.com
http://www.egolfplace.com
http://www.javajakes.com
Visit these sites today and become informed.

Have you noticed that the video games are getting a little out of hand these days? Have you noticed how screwed up they are? Some parents are horrified others say their children are simply going thru a fad? Are they or is there something much more serious going on here than that? One concerned parent recently stated in an online think tank;

“To see the look of glee on a child’s face as they tear a character limb from limb with blood spurting everywhere is one of the scariest things I have ever seen.”

Well if the character is evil, then they are “winning” against evil and thus they are winning and releasing human generated chemicals into the brain, which could be extremely good for the immune system and imprinting skills of achievement as a positive thing. I suppose a SimCity gaming child would also get the same thrill upon completion, but the violent, high-stress, kill or be killed action game might fulfill that faster.

Also realize that there is nothing wrong with achievement or winning, despite political correctness belief that kids in junior high should not keep score of the goals in PE soccer games? That is BS.

Additionally as a youngster I got the same joy in winning a chess game, as I did winning a race in track and field, as I did acing a test in school. In business, politics or figuring out a solution to the problem same thing now. So, if I was a gamer, but well balanced in the other aspects, would it matter if I had glee or said “ALL RIGHT!” when I killed the bad guy in a video game?

Winning is addicting really it sends chemicals to the brain and the brain likes it. Just like there are adrenaline junkies and those who get chemical releases from other things. In your point of the emotional addiction to inflicting pain on another through VR training or gaming and how it could easily de-sensitize little humans into imprinting bad and violent behavior, I hear you. Although, if you are supervising these things to some degree and it is in balance then it may not be so bad.

Maybe we all need to take a closer look at the video games our children are playing and consider the ramifications, both good and bad and what types of games they are using? Maybe we should all be more responsible parents and consider all this in 2006.

Lance Winslow

I realise this article is all about blending a family together successfully so what am I doing talking about time without the children you might ask?

Well because I believe it’s vital! Yep, that’s right, I think to have stepfamily bliss you need to make sure that you and your partner have special time alone. We rarely get time to sit and discuss us or our family when there is homework to help with, chauffeuring to carry out, ironing to be done and…the list could go on.

You’ve probably heard that old saying ‘you need to work at a relationship’. We’ll I also ask my clients to think of it like a plant. In the early stages it’s finding it’s way in life and growing stronger all the time. Then if it doesn’t get the right amount of water and light it can all go pear shaped pretty quickly. Your relationship is like that plant. It can grow into and remain a beautiful strong healthy plant with the right nurturing - input - from you.

Inevitably bad feelings grow because something that could have been spoken about and sorted out sooner wasn’t. So taking time out together will allow you to discuss any issues before any conflict occurs. It’s like clearing the weeds before they take over.

In many ways being in a stepfamily makes time alone easy to achieve.

For example, it’s now half term and both our children have been dropped off at their mothers. My partner and I now have five days to recharge our parenting batteries and get wrapped up in each other for a while. I’m loving it!

Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I don’t want my stepchildren around, far from it. It does mean that my partner and I get some very special time to pay attention to us which will keep our relationship strong and therefore benefit the children immensely.

When the children return we arrange a special welcome home, which immediately bonds our family back together.

There are other ways, including sitters, that you can create some time alone with your partner. If you both have children you could try and work it so that their visits with their other parent occur at the same time. When was the last time you has some quality time alone with your partner? How soon will be the next time? Book it in today! Enjoy!

Jo Ball is The Stepfamily Coach, which began because Jo noticed that so many people blending a family together found it very stressful, and their relationships within their new family were strained. Grab your free report at http://www.thestepfamilycoach.com.

As a stepmum of two Jo really can talk and coach from experience. Problems with the biological mother or father or difficulties on agreeing standards for discipline in your home with your partner are all typical challenges for stepfamilies.
If you are in a step situation or are about to enter into one please call or email Jo, she’d love to hear from you. jo@thestepfamilycoach.com 0044 (0)1934 743 649