Not Letting Them Think.

We all implicitly know that anything questioning the process of cognition itself will be met with massive irritation, making us want to respond with “Don’t question my capacity to think.” Their moronic reasoning to show how logic is derived, provokes the thought, “Don’t try to tell me how to think.” Forcing their opinions down your throat earns the response, “Don’t tell me what to think.” Some parents show no respect for personal boundaries long after childhood, straightening your clothes, your hair, invading your privacy—incessantly buzzing around you like a mosquito. This belittlement implies incompetent dependency—a fundamental insult to Man or animal—any way you slice it. These actions tick everyone off, at any stage in life.

Their children are a test bed for ill technology—the grand experiment—saying “In this child, the great dream will be made real,” and they hold them to their own irrational standard of how they wish life to be. They experiment with violence, as if forcing kids to practice the senseless can make it succeed, and then take aggression out on them when it fails. They trounce on their children’s right to life by their gift of life. They punish them for having preferences. They force them into unchosen activities, pushing them into unnecessary competition in areas they care or don’t care for, straining kid’s friendships and taking the joy out of everything. Eventually their children accept patterns of repression, whose unchosen and unhappy situations follows them into adulthood.

Breaking life down into philosophic essentials, the motives that drive ideas and actions either go on one side—the side of life, or on the other—the side of death. Maybe five percent of parents I have known had a conscious understanding of intellectual essentials and could convey them effectively to children. Thinking is exactly what they don’t know how to explain or train. Most wouldn’t want to harm children if they knew better, but often they don’t and at some point they made the choice not to know. That is their guilt. The crucial point is that their actions affect the child positively or negatively according to existential cause and effect, regardless of their claimed intentions. So what do they do? They try to live their lives for them. They buzz in their face like an insect and never leave them alone, saying “Why do you have to do it my way? Because, that’s why. Do you want to be grounded? Don’t question me.” They offer no chain, make no attempt to teach one and penalize children for reasoning through what doesn’t make sense to them. Riddled with cognitive errors and brimming with inexperience, they’ll refuse to spank their child as a moral stand when pleasure and pain are the first rudimentary connections a child can make, and their children never learn to respect social boundaries. Instead they’ll attempt to explain the ramifications of being good or bad when it’s still well outside their cognitive range. Some hit unjustly, choosing violence as the constant solution instead of responsibly engaging a child ready for more complex understandings. A smothering parent will choose their children’s diet, their interests, their friends, their schedule, their career, their mate, you name it, claiming to care. They will be hated, and as the children grow, both will make each other miserable. When the kids leave, don’t expect to see them for a long, long time.

There is no justification for our every action being checked by another. Alone, we can relax. We can try new things, test and entertain conclusions with no need for immediate validation. There are no disagreements to have and no justifications to clear with ourselves, only dysfunctions to identify and inefficiencies to overcome. Few things are more valuable than a safely executed mistake. There are questions in life that need not be answered on the spot. Experience with the cognitive process itself will provide the completed picture; kids must only remain free to exercise it. Parental interference is a confession that they don’t understand the cognitive process themselves, and don’t trust their children to use it either. It is inappropriate to attempt to raise another consciousness until you have mastered your own.

Copyright 2005 Ronald E Springer

Ronald E. Springer is the Author/Philosopher of Moral Armor, the world’s first fully-integrated moral philosophy based on the nature of Man. Featured on The Mitch Albom Show, NBC and FOX News radio affiliates, Mr. Springer is available for interviews, speaking engagements, philosophy workshops and seminars. Please contact RonaldESpringer@MoralArmor.com or visit http://www.MoralArmor.com for details.

Recently, a friend approached me about “Removing the ‘Step’…” Part I, with a few choice words of criticism. She said that she enjoyed the article, but there were a few issues in which she took offense. Normally I would have told a critic that opinions are like socks, everybody has so many of them that they seem to get lost in the shuffle of life. But since the friend was my pastor’s wife, I thought that maybe I should find a good match for this instance. And because this particular publication prefers to publish articles that are around 700 words or so, I’ll discuss each of the two issues in a series: Part II and Part III.

To give you some background, “Removing the ‘Step’ Out of Fathering Your Wife’s Children” (Part I) was an honest account of a father loving his wife’s children like they were his own. And that father is me. If you don’t have time to go back and read the article, it’s okay. There’s no real science to it. Just treat your new children like they are your own, and you’ll be fine.

The response that I received from people reading Part I revealed to me that there are a lot of people out there who are interested in the issue of mixed families. We all watched it on the Brady Bunch years ago, and it seemed so natural. However, the first lady of my church had an objection to that notion. She said to me, “Mark, what if your wife’s children were ‘problem’ children? You said that you wouldn’t have made it down the aisle if that were so. You’re going to turn away those guys who are dating women with not-so-perfect children.”

Here’s where my expertise lies. Though I don’t have any statistics to share with you in this article, I can say that I’ve worked with children in a professional setting since my junior year of college. And from 1992 until now, I’ve understood this one fact: all children can have behavioral problems. Some of the best-behaved children in school turn into demons when their parents are near. And some of the worst behaved children act like saints when their parents arrive.

The point of what I’m saying is this: you’ll know it if the family fits you. Just like you were attracted to an imperfect woman, if you’re wife has children, they’ll be imperfect too. Men who know what they want refuse to date or marry a woman who doesn’t have a particular physical feature that they enjoy, like a big butt, long legs, flat stomach, etc. The feature varies among individuals, but most men have at least one that they are passionate about. You might recall this example in the movie Boomerang, where Eddie Murphy’s character was particularly strict in his standard for his woman’s toes. The same way that you have standards about this feature, know your standards when it comes to children.

After my wife and I started dating seriously for a few months, she asked me to baby sit for her one night so that she could hang out with her girls. I wanted to say “No”, but I thought, “I better start getting used to this if Donna and I are going to get married eventually.” I showed up early to watch her interaction with the children before she left and I thought,”This is going to be a piece of cake.” Until she left. When sweet little Josie saw that the Rule-Giver had skirted away in a cherry-red Cherokee, her face displayed the most evil smirk that I’ve seen since Chucky. I thought,”Uh-oh”. Her brother Evens kept her busy for a little while, but after she got bored, Josie decided to go after her mother’s latest suitor. And after testing my limits, she finally found them. I verbally corrected her with a stern and serious voice and facial expression, and she broke down with a low blow, “I want my daaaaaaddddddddyyyy.” I had no defense for that one.

Months later, after I had proposed to Donna, my mother shared her concerns about me fathering two children that weren’t mine. She was especially uneasy about how I could handle a sassy little four-going-on-twenty-one-year-old girl who wasn’t mine. I eased her concerns when I told my mom, “Josie is mine. She might be more than a handful to someone else, but she fits me.” And I believe that. Josie still has to be put in her place from time-to-time, but overall, she is the best daughter that a father can have. And Evens is the best son.

I believe that there is a woman for every man on the earth. Some of these women have had children before the right man has found them. Their children need to be raised by the right man. You just have to know that you’re the right sock-I mean, man-for the job.

Mark S. Davis is a high school english teacher, composer, and freelance writer who lives in Baltimore, Maryland with his wife, Donna and two children, Evens and Josie.

Nothing can dampen spirits like a rainy day. Kids aren’t the only ones who get cranky when they’re cooped up inside. So to stop those rainy day doldrums before they happen, take a look at these 9 Great Rainy Day Ideas.

1. Pull Out The Board Games. In an era where X-Box and PlayStation rule, the joy of playing board games has fallen by the wayside. Rainy days are perfect for pulling out the Scrabble board or Bingo cards or even the Candyland game for the little ones. Crazy Eights anyone? Everyone will get so caught up in the games that they won’t even notice the gray skies outside.

2. Have A Rainy Day Party. Let everyone dress up in their best clothes, and serve lunch or dinner on that good china you never use. Someone can play DJ and you can all dance away your discontent. Celebrate the rain. You’ll find that you dread future rainy days less, and so will your family.

3. Walk. Yes, outside in the rain. Everyone gets dressed in their rainy day gear and then it’s outside for a tour of the neighborhood. Puddle splashing is allowed! Getting wet won’t hurt anyone—unless they’re that witch from the Wizard of Oz—and it will be a great stress reliever. Actually, your kids will be so shocked, they’ll probably look at you with awe for the rest of the day—and even better, forget to whine about being bored.

4. Create A Family Time Capsule. Putting together a time capsule is always a big hit with family members of all ages. Even teenagers will put their iPods down and get into the fun of making a time capsule. Set the time for pulling it out to be same time, next year—or even a rainy day a month from now. You’ll have to help younger children, of course, but imagine their excitement when they see the time capsule in a year!

5. Start A Rainy Day Scrapbook. Let everyone design and create their own pages. Drawings, magazine cut-outs and photos will fill the pages. It can be an ongoing scrapbook or simply one for this particular rainy day. An ongoing rainy day scrapbook has the advantage of being a rainy day activity you won’t have to plan for again and will give everyone in the family something to look forward to doing the next time it rains.

6. Visit A Museum. Museums offer a wide variety of activities for people of all ages. They’re generally reasonable in cost to begin with, and charge less for weekdays. They’re also great learning experiences and something your family doesn’t do every day, so they’re something special.

7. Give Each Family Member An Hour To Be In Charge. For one hour, they get to be king or queen of the rainy day and chose an activity for everyone else. This lets everyone in the family feel important and get to do what they enjoy most. You’ll have to lay down some ground rules, of course, but letting everyone have an hour to be in charge will keep them busy not just for the hour, but for a lot longer as they make their plans.

8. Write Letters And Make Cards. To take everyone’s mind off their disappointment with the rainy day, have them think of others who aren’t as fortunate. A good way to do this is to have everyone in the family, including Mom and Dad, make cards for people in the hospital or write letters to soldiers or people in a foreign country. You can find sources online that will ensure your cards and letters are delivered anywhere in the world. This is also a good chance to teach children and teens about what living is really like in some countries.

9. If All Else Fails, Load Up The Car or Mini-Van and Head To Grandma’s. She’s probably suffering from some rainy day doldrums herself and will be thrilled to see you. It’s also a free place to go where everyone feels comfortable just as they are. Just a note, though - you might want to call first. Grandma might be out and about taking a rainy day tour around her own neighborhood, and you wouldn’t want to miss her.

Copyright 2006 Karen Fusco

It is almost a rite of passage for many children to own and use bb guns. Indeed, bb guns are no longer merely within the province of lives of young boys. Girls can be found touting bb guns as well.

If you are a parent of a child who has expressed an interest in owning and using bb guns, there are some important facts and factors that you do need to keep in mind. There are some steps you need to take and some considerations you need to make before you invest in bb guns for your kids.

Your first consideration when it comes to bb guns for your children is safety. Before your children ever grab hold of bb guns, you need to make certain that they have been educated fully on the ins and outs of bb gun safety.

In regard to educating your kids on bb gun safety, you might want to consider enrolling your children in a class on safety issues. When it comes to bb guns and safety, many communities offer such training through their local parks and recreation programs. These classes normally take the form of a session that lasts for a day or the form of a series of three or four sessions that are a couple of hours long and are extended over a few days.

In addition to classes on bb guns and safety, there are also some very clearly written books for children on the subject. Even if you do enroll your children in a class on bb guns and safety, you may also want to have one or another of these texts on hand.

After your children have gone through a safety course of one type or another, you will want to make certain that they have the appropriate protective gear. Truly, protective gear is important when it comes to the use of bb guns. In this regard, protective eyewear is extremely important.

With safety and protective gear in line, you will then be in a position to select an appropriate bb gun for your child. There are a number of options and some bb guns are better suited to children of younger ages. You will want to make certain that whatever gun you choose and select for your kids is age appropriate.

Once your children have their bb guns, you will want to make certain that there is adult supervision in place while they are using their guns. Adult supervision is important when it comes to children and bb guns. You need to make certain that they are properly using their bb guns. And, you need to be on guard for safety concerns.

When all is said and done, the ownership and use of bb guns can be a great learning and recreational experience for your children. Although it may seem like a trite saying, safety does comes first. With the proper use of bb guns, your children will have hours of solid recreation and will make memories that will last them a lifetime.

Shell Gellner is the webmaster at http://www.rifles-n-rods.com
A great place to find discount sporting equipment.

What is hard for parents

Letting them learn from their mistakes.

Trying not to fix their problems.

Learning to trust in ways I’ve never had to before.

We hurt when they hurt.

Being lied to.

Trying to continue to discipline.

Having the consequence “fit the crime.”

Hearing “you don’t understand” over and over, when in fact you really do or want to.

Letting them make more of their own decisions.

What is best about being a parent

There’s more time for myself since they can take care of themselves more.

Learning, growing, changing and developing with them.

Watching them grow and mature.

Guiding them in decisions.

Feeling proud of and sharing in their accomplishments.

Hearing “I love you Mom/Dad.”

Knowing that someday they will be adults who don’t live in my house.

What teens don’t yet understand

We try to do what we think is best for them.

We have other things in life we want to do besides what they want to do.

Parents sometimes make mistakes.

Sometimes we forget or change our minds.

How much we love them.

Parents want to keep kids from getting hurt, physically and emotionally.

We have feelings and needs, too.

We are adults.

I feel a responsibility to teach him how to take care of himself when he is on his own.

Although things may be different now, we have gone through some of the same pressures and challenges and want to understand and be there for them.

We have a vision for your future and what you can be, but we still love you just as much when you make mistakes.

We get angry when we are disappointed.

How much of a challenge being your parent is.

We want respect.

We want them to have a better life and not have to work as hard as we do.

Understand the stress that comes with the enormous responsibility of parenthood.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.